i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you didnt know i had herpes?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
