just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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