He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
