Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
