Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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