Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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