True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
