I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
