If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
