Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
