Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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