some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
