So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
