Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I stole a fireplace last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
