I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
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