girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
