She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
