I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
