WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
