You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
