Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
