she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
well you can't waste a boner
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
