Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
