did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
