So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
