if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
