Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
