If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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