So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
