I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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