I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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