tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
