Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
