There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
