making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
