I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
