I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
