If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
