He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
