Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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