Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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