Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i came on her dog
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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