I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
