I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
