she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
