god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
