If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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