I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
