Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
