I love having hate sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Still dying that you shit outside
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
