So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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