I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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