i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
