she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize