Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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