Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
